Those witty snarksters at Defamer brought this up today, and it made my macaca blood boil! There are so many boneheaded things written and uttered in this article it’s hard to focus. In fact, I think I just puked on my keyboard. What a mess.

“When you start talking to a person from Asia, you realize — Wow! They have all different backgrounds!” gushed Probst, who described himself repeatedly as a 44-year-old white guy from Wichita.

Goddamnit, small children in 2nd grade have figured this out.

The other day, he told the reporters, he went to his dentist, who is white, and the dentist brought in another dentist, who is Asian. “And I found myself saying to the Asian doctor, ‘Where in Asia is your family from?’ ” The dentist said he was Korean. “The only reason I had the courage to even ask that question or the knowledge to ask that question was I’d just spent 39 days with people from Korea,” Probst said.

Did you ask him if he carries a wok around? Or if he wears a funny pointy hat while he’s picking rice? Did you bow and go AH SO AH SO repeatedly?

“You know, a young Hispanic kid now gets turned on to ‘Survivor’ because there’s somebody he can relate to and it opens up a world to him. Maybe he decides to travel as a result of seeing the show or maybe he sees something . . . in this Hispanic [contestant] that he can connect with and he decides to go do what that guy does.”

I guess this remark isn’t as stupid as I’m trying to make it sound. I do think it’s stupid for him to wish that television changes lives. We all know television was invented to sell us junk, not make us better people.

Jeff Probst, as Colbert would say – you’re on notice. Well, you basically have been since your parents conceived you. There is only one other idiot in showbiz as stupid as you.

This story continues to piss me off. The more and more I read about it, the angrier I get. Basically a UNITED STATES SENATOR called a young American of South Asian descent “Macaca”, which probably was the first stupid thing to come into his pea brain mind. His team is trying to say it is a nickname for a mohawk. Yeah, and I call all my Hispanic friends Lazy Sleepytons all the time and they just love it.

The video clip shows Allen telling the crowd: “Let’s give a welcome to Macaca here. Welcome to America and the real world of Virginia.”

Sidarth was born and raised in Fairfax County.

What is it with folks automatically thinking if you have darker skin, you must be from the rainforest or the African jungle?

The words could be especially damaging when considered in the context of Allen’s history of displaying the Confederate flag, Sabato said.

OH JEEZE. Well, I hope Senator Allen enjoys his reruns of the Dukes of Hazzard, because this mofo ain’t going to be our president in 2008, not with me and the rest of the macacas out and about and voting.

Okay, so, I’m not taking this all too seriously. After all, I got the link from the Drudge Report (guilty pleasure) AND the link goes to a National Enquirer story. But still! Click away, this is kind of funny. Evidently Robin Williams wants a lil of that Mel Gibson scandal heat – he has supposedly checked his tired antics into rehab for alcoholism. Here’s the thing that made me harf out loud:

Williams told a souce that he hatched a plan to buy booze only at liquor stores owned by Asians, figuring he wouldn’t be recognized. He was wrong.

The first time he went into an Asian-owned liquor store, the proprietor said: “Robin Williams, how are you? You buy liquor?”

God! They rerun Mrs. Doubtfire one thousand times a day on cheap cable channels all over this small planet! You think because we have smaw eyes that we can’t see your face on television on awards ceremonies and career retrospectives!?

This is mostly funny and probably isn’t true anyway. Still someone out there who made this stuff up thought Asian people wouldn’t recognize Robin Williams. The end.

Do you miss the smell of frying shrimp?
Has a manang or lolo recently forgotten to feed you?

Shit, then you’re just in luck! There’s a hotdamn FILIPINO FOOD FEST happening tomorrow, May 23rd, in Downtown LA at Asian Noodles!

You have to RSVP through these folks and I have no idea if there’s even room left. I really should pay more attention to these kind of things.

What happens when you put everyone’s favorite unhinged shoe-collecting ex-beauty queen pawn-of-the-American-government wife of the dictator - La Imelda Marcos, together with the big-suit post-modern genius of David Byrne? You get this stuff, David Byrne’s “Here Lies Love – A Song Cycle” playing at the Adelaide Festival a very expensive plane ticket away!

The piece centers on Imelda’s life in the 70s and 80s as well as her relationship with a servant who raised her. DANA DIAZ-TUTAAN landed the plum role of Imelda – she is one half of APSCI, a New York hip-hop outfit. Click, listen, learn, love, go buy some damn high heels.

If anybody goes to see this thang, please drop us a line (citizen.robot.editor@gmail.com) and let us know how it was. Pinoys in this hemisphere need to know!

Robotess Sherrie and I, will one day be in a filipino, literary themed, indie rock band called the Lumpiaists. Of course this is a nod to one of our favorite bands, The Decemberists. Here are a some of the tracks we are working on:

1. My Mother Was A Chinese
2. Leslie Anne Lopez
3. Here I Dreamt I Was a Registered Nurse
4. Halo! Halo!
5. Manila, I’m Yours
6. Spam for Mayra Gomez
7. The Gymnast High Above the Goldilocks
8. The Balikbayan and the Bride
9. Adoboisque
10.Sixteen Military Wives

I guess if you’re neither filipino or a Decemberists fan, then the joke won’t go too far. I know at least Sherrie will get it. The Lumpiaists might not be the best band name in the world, but at least it’s a lot better than the ones found at The Canonical List of Weird Band Names. Believe it or not, the bands on this page are actually real bands. Here are some of my favorites:

A Cat Born In An Oven Isn’t a Cake
Accidental Goat Sodomy
Ancient Chinese Penis
Tortured Scrotum
3D House of Beef
Lubricated Goat
Imapaled Nazarene

…and if you need a name for your new band, there’s this website. If the Lumpiaists doesn’t work, “Punish Fuck,” is our backup band name. After we get the name nailed down, then we’ll actually learn how to play instruments.

Listened to President Bush and Chancellor Angela Merkel addressing the press this morning. I just KNEW he was going to mispronounce her name (It’s ANG-ela, like the word ‘angle), and of course, I heard about 17 uses of the word ‘noo-cue-ler’. He said she was ’smart’ and cracked a joke about how both of them sort of had to slip into office. Can I just say? There is NOTHING faker than fake Washington laughter. It must be addictive though, because Bushy loves to crack a joke and hear that wave of ohhhhaaahahahahaaaaas come from the press. At least he didn’t kiss her hand like Frenchy Jacques Chirac. Yeesh.

—-
Your Whitman’s Sampler of Links for the day:

How Filipinos love each other… – I spent lots of my young life watching mom pack giant boxes of everything to send back home…if I volunteered toys or clothes to put in the box, it meant I probably had a chance to ask for some NEW stuff the next time I was out shopping. See, everybody wins! (//selfish American child)

Katamari comes to life…caution: super damn cute alert.

Lily Tomlin’s Museum of Cheese – A smallish collection of cheesy knick-knacks from our not so distant past…

Nintendo Classics Acapella – Choirs are nerdy. But they are even NERDIER when doing this.

Even more Nintendo fan worship…

Andy Warhol is resurrected and lives in the body of Guy Pearce…

BEST SITE EVER!

(Posted by Sherrie G…)

japanese friend who works at japanese newspaper: i was doing a layout for a kimono fashion show the other day and it was suggested to make it look really “asiany”
me, a filipina/indian: hHAHAHAHA
me: did you just put rice everywhere
friend: so my friend daniel IMs me: what’s up?…and I respond, oh, just looking for CHINKY fonts
me: YES
friend: the font ORIGAMI is surprisingly western-looking

……………………
There you go. You have to have a sense of humor about things.

//sherrie