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Barack to the Future

Simply wearing a shirt is the easiest way to help Barack Obama.  It’s even easier than bitching to a fellow lefty in a bar, better than being rude to SUVs sporting McCain bumperstickers,  better than getting drunk at a family reunion and shouting at your great uncle who acts like he’s a Veteran but everyone knows he never went to Vietnam because he had bad eyesight. This happens to be the very shirt I’ve purchased to help democracy.

from Urban Outfitters
Bought this one for a friend for his birthday.  He cynically thanked me for buying him a shirt he can wear for four months.  But if Barack becomes the greatest president we’ve ever seen, the shirt will be a priceless relic of historical significance…that other hipsters bought at a corporate chain owned by a right-winger! (Maybe you shouldn’t buy this one).

from Moveon.org
If cheap-skatery is the way you roll, then donate a measly $12 to Moveon.org and get this shirt. You can’t shoot a polar bear or build a bridge to nowhere at this price!

From Cafe Press
Don’t like wearing a shirt at all?  Then pin this to your chest!  Or use it as a painful nose ring, I don’t know.  All I know is I’m as scared of McCain as I am of Anton Chigurh and he doesn’t even have that cow killing device.  Yet.

And don’t forget:

Sorry.  Just noticed on Yahoo news that McCain visiting a German restaurant in Ohio is somewhat like Obama being greeted by 200,000 ecstatic Germans.

Yes, Obama saying he’d remake the world is pretty funny too.
BUT, I clicked that McCain restaurant story and I get this:

HE VISITED A GROCERY STORE?  THIS MAN IS A VISIONARY. 

(this is not the guy I saw but it seriously could have been)

He was from a certain region of the world that remain nameless because it is controversial. Dark pink polo shirt, collar popped up to his ears. 10 pounds of hair product. White belt, with shirt carefully tucked up over the buckle only so you can see it. Expensive jeans. Too much cologne.

Yes, next time, I will try to take a picture, damnit.

Special link for you chosen by Garu…

Uhhhh.  Sonic Youth + Starbucks = kinda hurts my brain

Yeah, it’s pretty clear who’s won this one. Go away, Scarjo. Take your giant gazoongers with you to the nearest fanboy wet dream and LEAVE TOM WAITS ALONE FOREVER.

Stream a song from Scarjo’s unfortunate Tom Waits cover album here

OR

Tell your ears you love them by listening She & Him here

As heiress to her father’s stake in Hensley & Co. of Phoenix, Cindy McCain is an executive whose worth may exceed $100 million. Her beer earnings have afforded the GOP presidential nominee a wealthy lifestyle with a private jet and vacation homes at his disposal, and her connections helped him launch his political career — even if the millions remain in her name alone. Yet the arm’s-length distance between McCain and his wife’s assets also has helped shield him from conflict-of-interest problems.

Nearly 30 years before John McCain became the Republican presidential nominee, he worked in public relations at his wife’s family company.

Within a few years of marrying Cindy Hensley, the daughter of a multimillionaire Anheuser-Busch distributor, John McCain won his first election.

Hey guys. Don’t drink this shit. Remember how the right wing fascists wouldn’t use Heinz Ketchup in 2004? BESIDES, you drank enough of it in college. Time to try new, better tasting beers that don’t support a pro-waterboarding candidate. Barack wants you to drink an IPA, a stout, anything but a Budweiser. What does Hillary want you to drink? A Mai Tai? Straight up bourbon on the rocks? Wheatgrass and vodka? I have no idea. Post in the comments what you think each candidate wants you to drink before entering the voting booth in November.

Cindy McCain’s Fortune Provides Senator With Private Jets, Vacation Homes

Anyone with half a brain in Red Octane’s marketing department should have known that millions of Guitar Hero playing addicts would recoil in horror at seeing this straight up empty-headed herp-carrying ho-bag holding your product. I now want to go home and set my controllers on fire, as though they were loved ones I am sending off to Valhalla.

Yeah, WestCoast showed me this link yesterday and I blarged everywhere. My IT girl hates me. She’s ordered literally 10,000 keyboards for me because I cannot control the puke center of my brain anymore. The world sickens me!

Clay Aiken, who joins the cast of “Monty Python’s Spamalot” this week, says its humor was initially lost on him.

“The first time I saw it I thought it was the stupidest thing I’d ever seen in my entire life,” the “American Idol” runner-up told Newsweek.

Okay, one, Newsweek needs to maybe stop talking to elfin assholes like Clay Aiken and maybe focus on slightly more important people and issues (like Britney! or Darfur!) and two, only in America would this kind of disrespect occur.

“I thought Monty Python was a person until three months ago.”

Where is John Cleese? Why do you not find him immediately and silly walk on his balls?

As if we needed more. Here are Yahoo’s top searches for the year of 2007. You may weep now.

1. Britney Spears
2. WWE
3. Paris Hilton
4. Naruto, The Japanese Manga Series
5. Beyonce
6. Lindsay Lohan
7. RuneScape
8. Fantasy Football
9. Fergie
10. Jessica Alba