There is nothing like the silence of a diligent corporate office to remind you that the ringing in your ears is getting pretty bad. I have had my nights where I sit on the couch, mindfully monitoring that curious ring. I’ve even attempted to harmonize with it, said a few OMs with it…and at night, I sometimes I have to have a fan going, the window open, and radio softly on so I can ignore it. That insistent buzz. The touch of hundreds of concerts during which I stood too close to that musical grandeur. And it done hurted my ears!

So in honor of the fact I have nothing to do but listen to the ringing in my ears at the moment, I would like to list the TOP FIVE BANDS THAT HAVE CONTRIBUTED TO MY PERSONAL HEARING LOSS. In no order.

1. Mogwai, Knitting Factory
This show took place shortly after their release of Happy Songs for Happy People and the Knitting Factory was packed to the gills with your typical melancholy ilk, all gathered to sweat it out in the hot box that is the main stage at this venue. After some jockeying, we made it up to the balcony where we could finally see the very tippy top of Stuart Braithwaite’s head, which for the record, looks like anybody else’s head. We see a cluster of three shoegazer types leave the railing of the balcony area and realize that suddenly, the perfect view had finally opened up. Things were going well until the band hit a huge wall of sound chord and then we realized, madre di dios, we are standing right next to a very very very big speaker. We foolishly retreated to our previous positions. I tried to jam my Mogwai t-shirt into my ears to no avail. My right ear has never been the same.

2. Sparta, All Tomorrow’s Parties @ The Queen Mary
What? What are you trying to say? No no, I don’t need to go to the bathroom! What?! You weren’t asking about the bathroom? I’m sorry, I can’t hear a damn thing over Sparta. A DAMN THING! I ended up seeing Sparta again at Coachella 04 when they were the band playing right before the Pixies. They were considerably less loud but then again, I was about 4 miles away from the stage.

3. Ted Leo and the Pharmacists, The El Rey
Ted left my ears ringing for at least a week. The show was energetic and enjoyable but when I got home, I was tired, drunk and really chagrined by the spate of bad weather LA had been undergoing…then my sleepy boyfriend wakes up to let me know that Hunter S. Thompson had committed suicide. It was kinda a shitty night, in the end. AND I AM WAY MORE DEAF NOW.

4. The Go! Team, The El Rey
This band is very hot right now, in a Hansel-is-so-hot-right-now-way so if you happen to catch them swinging through your town, spreading their brand of up-tempo slightly 80ish happy joy joy indie pop rock, don’t forget to bring earplugs. Bring earplugs for your friends. Bring earplugs for the bartenders. Use them as tips instead of dollar bills.

5. Blue Oyster Cult, The Universal Amphitheatre
Okay, I ended this list with the FIRST band that started to erode my hearing. I was young and in love with my high school boyfriend who was helping me sink into a lame (and classically high school) classic rock fixation with him. He happened to notice that STEPPENWOLF, FOGHAT, and BLUE OYSTER CULT were playing at the Amphitheatre…and not only that, but orchestra seats were a mere $25. So we went, feeling adult, holding hands, and sat down in a pit with a bunch of gnarly looking older people (women in fringed & beaded t-shirts, biker types, etc.), had watery beers in thin plastic cups. Then B.O.C. came on and played GODZILLA and BURNIN’ FOR YOU and thus, the saga of the ringing ears begins. Yes, more cowbell. Aren’t you people fricken tired of that joke yet? Oh, no? Sorry then. It’s an okay joke.